How to Choose the Right Celebrant (and Why It Matters More Than You Think)

When it comes to big life moments — weddings, funerals, naming ceremonies, or facing the end of life — you want more than someone who can string together a few pretty sentences. You want someone who gets you. Who listens, laughs (or cries) with you. Who can hold the space, steady the nerves, and make the ceremony feel true.

So how do you find the right person to do that?

Well, the truth is: it’s a bit like dating. There’s no one-size-fits-all, and a good celebrant for one family might be all wrong for another. You want someone whose style fits you, whose values resonate, and whose presence makes you feel safe, seen, and celebrated. Someone who will listen without judgment, gently guide when needed, and help you shape a ceremony that feels like it couldn’t belong to anyone else. Whether it’s a love story, a goodbye, a new beginning, or a final wish — the person you choose will shape the tone and feel of that moment forever. No pressure!

Here’s the thing: celebrants aren’t one-size-fits-all. We’re gloriously different, and people react to us differently (a bit like Marmite). Some of us are poetic and lyrical. Some are full-on theatre. Some are quietly soulful, others riotously funny. The best ones are a blend — human beings who know when to hold space and when to bring the lightness in. (And if you find someone who can do all that and help sew a zip into your trousers, marry them. Or at least book them.)

So how do you choose?

You chat. You go with your gut. You ask the questions that matter to you, even the daft ones. (See below for some suggestions.) You listen for warmth, for clarity, for honesty. Rule of thumb? Go with someone who takes the job seriously but doesn’t take themselves too seriously. Someone who knows that real life is messy and beautiful and sometimes absurd, and that ceremonies should reflect that too.

And when you find that person — that celebrant who makes you think, “Ah, yes, you’re the one who’ll help tell this story right” — hang on to them.

Here are some questions you can ask prospective celebrants to help you choose wisely:

The Basics

• Are you available on the date we need? (Kinda crucial to establish this from the get-go.)

• What kind of ceremonies do you offer?

• How many ceremonies do you book in a day? (Some celebrants manage two or three... or even five. Yes, really. I don't know how: I'm definitely a one-a-day gal.)

• How far are you willing to travel, and do you charge mileage?

• What’s your fee, and what does it include? (Tho whilst this question is important, it shouldn't be top of your list. If the celebrant feels right for you, they'll more than justify their fee.)

The Heart of It

• How do you get to know us (or the person the ceremony is about)?

• Will we see a draft of the script before the ceremony?

• Can we include our own readings, music, or rituals?

• Do you have experience with ceremonies like ours? (e.g. second marriages, blended families, end-of-life planning, LGBTQ+ inclusive ceremonies, ceremonies with kids or pets)

• What happens if things change at the last minute? (Spoiler: they often do. We’re human. Life happens.) Maybe your celebrant catches the flu. Maybe they get stuck in a lift with a stag do dressed as Smurfs. Maybe they accidentally board the wrong ferry and end up in Ireland. Stranger things have happened. The good news? If your celebrant is from the Humanist Society Scotland, you don’t need to panic. The Society guarantees a fully briefed replacement if anything unexpected happens. So even if they're struck down by norovirus, abducted by aliens, or lured away by the promise of free cake elsewhere (I've never known the last two actually happen, just fyi), someone will absolutely turn up to conduct your ceremony brandishing the script you've already agreed with your chosen celebrant, and they'll deliver it with heart, humour and everything you hoped for.

The Vibe Check

• What’s your tone or style like? Can we read something you've written or see a clip?

• How do people describe you?

• What do you love most about being a celebrant?

• Are there any kinds of ceremonies that you don’t enjoy doing?

And Finally...

• Do you cry at your own ceremonies?

• If my gran bursts into unexpected song halfway through the ceremony, will you roll with it, join in… or pretend it’s not happening?

• Do you own a stout pair of walking shoes?

• Do you like dogs? (Optional, but let’s be real: it matters.)

  
  

Spoiler: I cry sometimes, wear wellies often, love dogs always, and love a good sing-song whatever the circumstances.

Bottom line: You don’t need a flawless public speaker. You need someone who feels like a calm head and a warm heart. Someone who can laugh in the rain or hold it together when the room can’t. Someone who’ll write your ceremony with the care they’d give their own.

And if you’re not sure who that is yet — keep looking. Your story deserves to be in the right hands.

Because life is short. The big moments matter. And you deserve someone who knows how to meet them with heart, humour, and the right pair of wellies.

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