Poetry with a Beating Heart

One of the most rewarding things about conducting a funeral ceremony is finding the words that make people say, “Yes! That’s her. That’s exactly her.”

Now, I won’t pretend that’s always easy. There are all sorts of challenges that can get in the way of At a crematorium, time can be tight. And even when there’s no clock glaring at you, it’s hard for families to pin down the right words. You’re exhausted, blindsided by grief, and the doorbell keeps going with well-meaning visitors. You can barely keep track of what day it is, never mind find the words to capture your beloved person in a way that feels meaningful rather than raw with pain.

That’s where I come in. My job, really, is to listen until I can hear the heartbeat of the person we’re celebrating. Who were they at their core? What lit them up? What did they care about above all else? And then I try to wrap all that up in words.

And sometimes, if I'm really lucky, those words fall most naturally into poetry.

Poetry at funerals is nothing new. Most funeral directors and celebrants have lists of “suitable” poems you can flick through. And you may well find one that resonates. But here’s the truth: the poems that really make people laugh, cry, and nod aren’t the ones you find on a list. They’re the ones written with the person themselves at the very centre.

Poetry doesn’t need to be flowery or complicated. The best kind is simple, honest, and sharp enough to cut through the fog of grief. When it works, it doesn’t just say who someone was: it brings them right back into the room.

Take a recent client of mine, for example. She reminded me so much of Norman MacCaig’s Aunt Julia, a poem I’ve adored for years, fizzing with movement and metaphor. This lady, too, was larger than life, always busy, never still long enough to pin down. I was fortunate to spend time with her in her final weeks, and from the spark that lit our brief friendship came this poem:

'It was hard to keep up with her.

She moved like wind through rigging,

boots on wet boards,

always something in her hands -

a spade, a rope, a tin of paint,

a kid goat wriggling under one arm,

or a teapot, ready for company.

She wore colour like a banner,

danced to Diana Ross,

laughed from the chest,

never felt sorry for herself -

or if she did, she did it quietly,

behind a smile that could lift the room.

She raised five children -

though raising suggests stillness.

She flung wide the doors,

taught them to fix what’s broken,

to walk out boldly,

to never back down from truth.

To hold fast to the tiller

and steer their ships through the storms.

She built a business from a borrowed pound,

weathered betrayal and a night

that flattened the farm.

She rebuilt, planted trees

as if each sapling might carry her name.

Now her love waits no more

beneath the apple-blossom hush.

She has kept her promise,

just as she always said she would -

true to her motto:

Don’t delay what you can do today,

for tomorrow you may not be able.

I hear her now

in the thrum of the wind

through the Scots pine -

in a flash of colour,

a jangling earring,

still dazzling.

Not gone -

just further in,

still turning heads

as she goes."

When my client read it, she was moved to tears: it was, she told me, exactly how she wanted to be remembered. And when I read it at her funeral, people nodded in recognition. They laughed. They cried. They saw her.

That’s when you know poetry has done its job: it hasn’t just described a life, it’s conjured it.

And that, I think, is what we’re all really searching for at a funeral. Not a generic verse about death, but words that bring this person back into sharp focus: their colour, their humour, their way of being. Words that make us smile through tears and say, “Yes. That was her.”

Because in the end, poetry is memory at its sharpest.

Not gone.

Just further in.

Image by Amanda Clark

If this resonates with you, and you’d like a ceremony that captures your loved one in all their colour and detail, please get in touch: I’d be honoured to help. Every life is unique, and every story deserves to be told in a way that feels true.

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